One Steamy Night in Dreamland…

I blame the fresh cherries from the garden of my colleague M. for Morpheus to tap from the more naughty part of my subconscious last night. They were so wonderfully delicious… and so were my dreams.

In the first part of the dream I had three pornographic DVD’s at home. I had started watching one of them. It was quite hardcore with scenes that usually do not turn me on. Let’s just say I am not into fisting. My pussy is quite tight and I like to keep it that way
Then a scene came in which two men were having sex. One was sitting on his knees with his torso bent forward and his arms stretched in front of him like he was praying or worshiping. The other man was fucking him from behind. They were both exactly my type: slender, slightly muscular, dark, short hair. The active lover had a beautiful penis to match. This turned me on alright. It also woke me up.

After paying the toilet a visit I crawled into bed and the dream continued.
Both my partner and I were going to participate in a pornographic movie. We knew we would have to have sex with other people. He did it with a pretty Asian woman. I was not happy about it, but I knew I had to accept it in order to make this film.
My co-worker was a man who strongly resembled Mickey Rourke – when he was young of course. I did have a thing for Mickey Rourke in the past. He was the type of man who was not a standard beauty, but who had extreme sex appeal. Sean Penn is also one of those men I think.
I do not remember much about what we did in my dream, but it was definitely satisfying. After our practise session, he did tell me – in German! – I should work a bit more on my ‘Orgasmusfähigkeit’ (my capacity to climax). Funny

In the last part I was at home with my partner. We started kissing and caressing. Then I sat on his lap and was riding on his knee while stroking his erect cock. I was so moist and close to coming… He then threw me on the bed and opened the drawers where we kept out toys. He gave me a vibrator and told me to use it. I came almost instantly. He put a cock sleeve on, one with soft structure on the outside. I took him in my hand and continued caressing it. I longed so much for him to enter me… and… woke up…

I looked at my partner. He was asleep. I did not know if I should wake him up or not. It was 04:00 in the morning and I knew he had to get up early. I was so horny from my dreams that I decided to check if I could seduce him anyway. My hand slipped under the blanket and found a nice surprise: his cock was quite hard. I stroked it and made it bigger. I was about to completely crawl under to kiss and lick it, but then my man spoke.
“Please, I am so tired, I don’t want to…“
I felt guilty for waking him up and reluctantly left him at peace. I would have my way with him another time. For now my fingers had to suffice. Ohhh…

19th of June – 2011

Finally I have almost two weeks holiday. This means I have time to simply be pregnant – and write more frequently as well. This also means my days at the erotic boutique are numbered. Even though I love helping people having a more fulfilling sex life, I am glad I have only two more shifts to go. Working and being over seven months into the pregnancy is simply a toughie.

What I will miss for sure, apart from some of my colleagues, are the customers that make working in the shop worthwhile. The friendly ones, the ones that are happy when they leave with something fun to play with, but also – maybe even especially – the ones that make my mouth drop.

A few weeks ago I had a woman in the shop who wanted to have a sex toy but did not know what exactly. I estimated she was around my age, 35 or so. So I did my round with her, explaining all the types of toys and what they can do. The word ‘clitoris’ was mentioned a few times. After ten minutes or so, the woman said:
“I do not know what you mean by ‘clitoris’. What is that?“
Okay… I started explaining:
“The clitoris is like a little button, so to speak, above the entrance of the vagina, that most women like to stimulate to reach an orgasm.“
“Oh… aha.“
I continued showing toys and explaining their use. About half an hour later, she said:
“I am sorry, but I still do not understand what the clitoris is…“
All I could think of now, was to show her a picture of the vulva. I pointed out the location of the clit, the inner and outer labia and the entrance of the vagina.
“Well, it seems I have learned something today!” was her response.

It is hard to imagine that there are still women out there – in Western society that is – who do not know what a clitoris is. But now, at least, there is one less, although I do find it peculiar that a woman who has no clue about her own genital comes up with the idea to go to a sex shop to buy a toy…
In the end, the woman left with a small vibrator, lipstick size, because she felt anything bigger would not fit. One week later she came back to buy a regular size model. I suspect she is having fun exploring herself

The next customer encounter was right up my alley. She was there with a lady friend and asked for my help. She explained to me that she was going to have anal sex for the first time and was scared it might hurt. She also told me that she had to do it…
“You don’t have to have anal sex at all“, was my reply.
“Yes I do, because we made a deal“, she said.
“Well, okay, then I advice you to get a good lubricant. I show you what we have.“
We walked over to the lubricants and I started telling her how to go about it: take some lubricant and massage in and around the anus softly. Use more lub and let him enter slowly. Take time, don’t rush anything. You know the drill (I hope?).
Then I came into action:
“A really good deal would be if you can return the favour…“
My motto: quid pro quo. In other words: my ass for your ass.
“What?“
“A prostate massage can give a man an outrageously good orgasm.“
“But he is scared of that!“
“So are you, or?“
“Yes, that’s true.“
“Really, stimulating the prostate is an amazing experience for a man. He should give it a try.“
“But… then he might turn gay…“

Do we now know how a man becomes homosexual? Wow. I am speechless. As you hopefully can image, this was another mouth-dropping moment. Our society may be over-sexualized, there obviously still is a lot of work to be done. But not for me. I am taking a break from sex – other people’s sex that is

18th of May – 2011

Today is about self pity. A few days ago I got a bad skin allergy on my breasts. It itches like hell and my nipples hurt. My breasts look like I spoiled boiling water over them. The rash is also on my hands, arms and legs, but there it looks more like a regular sun allergy. I can handle that. I can’t handle the tits though. I love my tits. So on Monday I went to the dermatologist. She said my skin is way too dry, which is strange since I have been oiling my body since the start of my pregnancy. Anyway, she gave me a cream and sent me home. In ten days it should be gone.

Two days later I see no improvement. In fact, it seems to get worse. But maybe I am imagining it. I am also inpatient. Last night I dreamed I had a wild-growth of dark purple flesh on my arms and could not reach a doctor. Those things do tend to freak me out on both conscious and subconscious levels. Now I am feeling sorry for myself.

Before January 2011 pregnant women in Austria could get permission to stay home from work as soon as the doctor confirmed the pregnancy. Especially women working in a shop had it easy, because standing all day and lifting heavy objects are forbidden during this period. All you had to do – and trust me, I know this from many Austrian mothers – was say to the doctor your belly hurt a bit, that you had to stand the whole day or that work was so stressful, and you were sitting comfortably at home for the rest of your pregnancy. Many doctors even suggested this option themselves.

When I went to my doctor to have little the bun in the oven confirmed, he immediately told me that staying at home was not an option anymore. Okay, no problem. I am not asking for this, for I am not the type to abuse the system. Because honestly I do see it that way. If a woman has a difficult or risk pregnancy, it is good that her health and that of the unborn child is being put first. But if everything is going fine, I don’t see why she should be at home at the expense of society. Austria is in my opinion quite generous already when it comes to pregnancy leave. Under normal circumstances the woman works until 8 weeks before the due date. After having given birth, she has another 8 to 12 weeks to recover. During this time she receives her full salary. After those 8 weeks she can choose from five maternity leave options, varying from staying at home 1 year and getting 1.000,- euro per month to staying home for 2 years and receiving about 500 euro per month. All this time her job is protected. Not bad, or?

So I bravely went to work, even though the first three months I constantly felt tired, dizzy and on the edge of throwing up. I went to work when the hay fever made me cry, sneeze, cough and eventually even lose my breath, for the usual medication was a no-go – they harm the baby’s growth development – and I had to wait three weeks to get a doctor’s appointment. And now I need to go to work with a skin I wish I could tear off. This weekend the temperature will rise to 28 degrees Celsius. That won’t help me much either.

What do other women do now that the law has changed: they work two weeks, then call in sick for one week. Just because they are pregnant, not because something is wrong. Doctors even cooperate. I can’t get myself to do that. Why not? Because I do not want to upset my boss – she is not the easiest one to work for, let’s leave it at that. Because I do not want my colleagues to do extra shifts on my account – most of them have enough problems of their own. In stead it seems I rather feel stupid and angry. Only 4,5 weeks though. Only.

Buying a Vibrator – The Dos and Don’ts

My first two sex toys were given to me by my partner on my 30th birthday. One was a dildo, the other an anal plug. We were both curious and interested in experimenting, so he knew I would not be offended by receiving such gifts. But that we were both new at this, we would find out soon enough. Both toys were way too big for me – the anal plug never even came close to my ass, that’s how much the size intimidated me. Additionally, the dildo gave me infections. The presents disappeared in a drawer and finally in the garbage.

I was not working in the sex shop at the time and had never wasted much thought on toys for adults before. I lacked knowledge of the materials that are being used for these products and had no clue about their functionality. Now I know that buying a product that is meant to please you in the most intimate way possible is not an easy thing to do. It requires time, patience and the willingness to inform yourself thoroughly. The following dos and don’ts are meant to help you on your way to a lustful and happy experience.

DON’TS
1) Don’t buy a sex toy unless you really want to. Often women come to me because their partner told them to buy a vibrator or a dildo. Unless you are ready to start exploring the world of toys for grown-ups, don’t let yourself get forced into it. No matter what good product you will take home with you, you will only end up feeling frustrated.

2) Don’t let your best friend convince you her vibrator is the one you need. Just because it makes her come, it does not have to do the same for you. Every woman is different and has her own individual needs and desires. There are women who love vibration, others don’t. Some women like to sense the vibrations in the vagina, most actually only like the vibration on the clitoris and the labia. Others love big toys, again others prefer small. Some love the stimulation of the G-spot, others hate it. Etc., etc.

Let one thing be clear: there is no one and only, perfect vibrator that pleases every woman.

3) Don’t believe Sex in the City either. The famous rabbit vibrator – which is a model that has a rotating tip, moving pearls in the shaft and an extension that directly stimulates the clitoris – may be heaven for one woman, it can leave the other one frustrated as hell and even in pain. Like I said, there is no such thing as the perfect vibrator. Unfortunately.

4) Don’t buy anything in an online shop, unless you have done your research in advance and know exactly what you want. Buying online is often cheaper. It is very hard, though, to get a good impression of the product you are interested in. It is difficult to truly estimate the size and you don’t know what the material feels  - or smells (yes, this can be important!) – like. You don’t know if it noisy either. The guarantee might fail as well and you can’t ask any additional questions that you might have.

5) Don’t let someone else buy a toy for you. Unless your partner or friend knows exactly what you want, it is advisable that you go to the shop yourself. You need to see what is there, put a product of interest in your hand, sense it and let yourself be informed. If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of going into a shabby sex shop with drooling men in rain coats carrying suspicious suit cases, you don’t need to worry. There are more and more erotic lifestyle shops opening in major cities, especially in Europe, where you can enter without feeling awkward about it or bumping into the stereotype sex shop customer. Underneath this post I will share some addresses with you.

6) The last Don’t is very important: don’t buy any products that are made out of Jelly, Real Skin or Cyber Skin. Jelly is a transparent, soft material and has a distinctive, intensive scent that will not go away. Cyber Skin and Real Skin mimic ‘real’ penises and vagina’s. They have a soft touch, like real skin/flesh. These three materials contain softeners such as phtalates that can cause skin irritations, infections and possibly even cancer. Therefore they are no good for the mucous membrane (also not for the anus!) and should be avoided at any time – or used with a condom.

DOS
1) Take a moment for yourself and think about what you want. I know, this is a tough one. How can you know what you want if you never had a vibrator or dildo before?
Realize you have one advantage over the saleslady: you know your body. If you masturbate and/or have sexual relationships, you know quite well what you like and what not. Do you like penetration? Do you prefer being completely filled out? Do you like clitoral stimulation or the stimulation of the G-spot? Do you like oral sex? This knowledge is important information for the saleslady and should be your basis. If you don’t know any of these things, don’t worry. A good saleslady can help you find a product with which you can experiment and discover your body.

2) Choose a good day to go to the shop of your choice. Feel good about your decision, feel good about yourself and see it as getting yourself a very special treat. Come either alone or bring a friend/partner you feel 100% comfortable with.

3) Prepare questions if you have them.

4) Accept that you might leave the shop empty handed. Nowadays the range of products is mind-blowing. There is a big chance you will feel overwhelmed. If that is the case, allow yourself some time to let the information sink in. The shop will still be there tomorrow – and the day after.

5) Accept that you will need to get to know your love toy. Many women believe that vibrators guarantee orgasms, which can lead to big disappointments. It can make it easer to climax, but you have to find out first how to use it in a way it will do you good. A vibrator that has more than one intensity is always preferable, because you can decide how strong or how weak you want the vibration to be. This is something you’ll need to experiment with. Maybe you will find out vibrations don’t bring you anything. In that case you can use the vibrator as a dildo and don’t switch it on. Or you only hold it against your clitoris or labia. You don’t need to insert a vibrator, even if it is a big one. All you need, is to be open to experiment, to play with yourself and have fun.

6) Be nice and respectful to the saleslady. She may work in a sex shop, but that does not make her a slut, a porn star or a prostitute. She is there to help you and wants you to go home happy and content. For her there is no better customer than an orgasmic customer

Erotic lifestyle shops (u.c.):
- Pomegranate (Bristol, England)
- Coco de mer (London, England)
- Atemlos (Salzburg, Austria)
- Inside Her (Frankfurt, Germany)
- Schwarzer Reiter (Berlin, Germany)
- Female & Partners (Amsterdam, The Netherlands)

4th of May – 2011

Wednesday is my day off from work. Since I’ve been pregnant, I often have to use this little break from selling dildos and vibrators to orgasm-seeking women to see a doctor or have some test done, but not today. Today I will stay at home and be productive and creative. Here’s my to-do list:

1. Shower
(no way around it)
2. Buy groceries
(there’s nothing to eat, I am hungry, hence point 1.)
3. Call my midwife and make an appointment
(with only 15 weeks to go, it is about time to slowly get prepared)
4. Make an appointment for a breast exam
(just an obligatory check-up)
5. Write author Abby Lee an E-mail to tell her I love her books and that she has inspired me to start this blog
(no priority, but a definite want-to)
6. Do the dishes
(a should-do, but don’t want-to)
7. Write quest ideas for my boyfriend’s game project
(priority 1)
8. Read and edit some texts for my illustrated book project
(priority 2)
9. Edit the book proposal and send it to one of the participating authors
(I promised her to do this two weeks ago, so priority 3)
10. Send the edited interviews to the participating models for their approvement
(priority 4)
11. Work on this blog
(want-to but probably can’t-do so forget about it)

Change of plans: my friend S. just called me and wants to meet. We were colleagues working in an art gallery for about five years ago. I left the job before her and eventhough we do not see each other regularly – she does not live in Vienna anymore – we have remained good friends. It has been almost one year since I last saw her, so I really do not want to miss this opportunity to catch up with her… What the hell, we will meet for a coffee later this afternoon in a pub close to the Naschmarkt. Considering the length of my to-do list and the fact that a day only has 24 hours of which I need to sleep at least eight, I guess I can be happy if I am able to complete half of the tasks anyway.

I better get started.